What Happens When Your Dance Partner Quits?

This is a test of the Ballroom Dance Benefit broadcast system. This is only a test.

The following will be a challenging encounter that may bring back feelings of losing a workout buddy, a study buddy, or the disbanding of your favorite rock group from the 1980s.

This test may require a heightened level of sensitivity, strategy, and yoga-like breathing exercises. Remember, this is only a test.

Whether you’re in a dance partnership or trying to do your best to save one, we hope that you’re using this article as a reference point. An overview that will clue you in on the subtle signs to watch for – and never overlook – so you can enjoy your dance hobby with a partner now, or when the time is right.

S.E.N.S.I.T.I.V.E.

In case your situation is beyond a Boombox + Peter Gabriel “Say Anything” serenade, we recommend using this “Sensitive” acronym as a guide.

S – Start with an Apology

You can’t control the past, you can’t control their feelings, but what you can control is how you handle this. A sincere apology, right from the get-go, starts this process off on the right path.

Even if you’re not sure what you did wrong, the apology isn’t about admitting fault. It’s about acknowledging that the partnership didn’t work out the way both of you hoped. That’s worth apologizing for – regardless of who’s “responsible.”

E – Empathy

Sure, it may be frustrating that they are feeling this way, but this isn’t the time to pour on the guilt. Instead, keep it graceful. Even if you’re just dance friends, showing empathy will ensure that it stays that way.

At some point, your partner probably got caught in the Awkward Use stage of dancing for too long – and this was their way out.

In fact, sometimes a partner quitting has nothing to do with you and everything to do with where they are in their own journey. They may be struggling with challenges you’re not even aware of.

N – Negate the Negatives

It would be easy to show empathy to your partner and speak negatively behind their back. The last thing you want in your dance environment is any negativity.

Even if you feel hurt in the pit of your soul, you’ve got to eliminate it completely to make this transition successful. The dance community is small. Words travel. Your reputation follows you.

S – Share with Your Teacher

Being objective in your self-assessment is harder than doing the Gold-level Tango. This is where it’s vital to chat with your teachers.

They can shed light on areas to improve on as a dancer and as a partner. They’ve seen this situation before – probably dozens of times. Use their experience.

I – Invite Feedback

Use this opportunity to ask questions like, “Is there something I could have done to make our partnership more enjoyable to you?” It may shed new light or give you some peace of mind.

Share the feedback with your teacher and repeat as necessary. The goal isn’t to win an argument. It’s to learn something you can use in your next partnership.

T – Trust the Process

This transition is important, and your teachers will outline a process for making it successful. Trust them.

Not only have they had partners themselves, they have encountered this problem more frequently. They’ll be your guide through this detour in your dance journey.

I – Increase Your Visibility

This is not the time to go into seclusion or dance studio exile. In fact, you should do just the opposite.

Increasing your visibility eliminates any weird feelings or perceptions. Take a few extra lessons, dance every dance at the practice parties, and ensure that your smiling face is ever-present in your dance oasis.

Hiding sends the wrong message. Showing up sends the right one.

V – Validate Your Time

This partnership taught you something. Maybe it didn’t last as long as you would have liked, but it served a purpose for you as a dancer and person.

So take a minute to thank them. Tell them what you enjoyed, what you learned, and the positives you’ll take from your time together. This validates your partnership and reminds them – and you – that it was time well spent.

E – Expand the Big Picture

Dancing is important to you. In fact, most people have reasons for why they enjoy dancing well before they have a dance partner. Whether it’s the benefits of weight loss, stress relief, or a positive outlook on life – those things won’t stop with your dance partner’s exit.

The Solo Season

Here’s something that might feel counterintuitive: Being without a partner can actually accelerate your growth.

When you’re in a partnership, you tend to develop habits – some good, some not so good – that become invisible to you. Both of you compensate for each other’s weaknesses in ways you don’t even notice.

When you dance solo – with different partners at practice parties, with your teachers – you discover things about yourself that were hidden in the partnership dynamic.

Maybe you were over-relying on your partner’s strong frame. Maybe you were being led more than you were following. Maybe your timing was being carried by someone else’s consistency.

The solo season reveals these things. And that revelation is valuable.

Finding the Next Partner

If you’re wondering when to start looking for a new partner – don’t rush it. Take some time to process what happened, improve as an individual dancer, and get clear on what you want from your next partnership.

What worked in the last partnership? What didn’t? What qualities matter most to you? What are you willing to compromise on?

The better you understand these things, the better your next partnership will be.

Final Thought

“There are some people who dance because they love everything about it, and others who just want to fulfill a social obligation” were the words of legendary Arthur Murray consultant, Jacques De Beve.

The first time I ever heard him say that, I remember thinking, “that’s not possible – who would only ever want to dance to fulfill a social obligation?”

Then the reality kicked in.

Not everyone will enjoy the same things you do, in the same way that you do – and that’s completely okay. Your paths may not continue, but that doesn’t condemn either journey. This is just a test, and what you gain from it may prepare you for the next curve in your dance journey.

Related Reading: 9 Joy-Killing Behaviors That Can Doom a Dance Partnership